some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
