Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
