I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
