Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
