Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
