yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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