I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
