It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
