i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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