it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
