Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
