She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
