worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
