i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
