the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
