I wish I only lived at night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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