New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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