True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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