Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
