I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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