Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
