so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
