Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
