my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
