Don't make out with my wife yet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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