Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
