So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
