So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
