Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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