Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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