I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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