I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
