i may or may not be watching the land before time
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
