Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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