I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
