you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
