I love black thongs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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