no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
