you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
