I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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