I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
