operation harelip BJ is a go
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
