its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
