I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
