after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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