You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
