Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
