It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
