After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
