What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
