I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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