Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
